But, I'm getting ahead of myself. What "one thing led to another"? No, I wish it was. Susan rang Jimmy to explain what had happened. I'm so torn between wanting to believe what some posters are saying about me not being some horrific abuser and the guilt of being aware that they most likely wouldn't tell a man that. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. I really love him and I don't know why I get so violent. I'm 24, he's 28. This slap doesn't have to be the end of your . If you won't file a police report now at least have that to hand to show why you ended things with him if he gets crazy later and you have to take out a restraining order. Of course it wasn't like I slapped him so hard (I know that doesn't matter). I hate to do this to you, but there are a few more questions I need to ask. I feel like a horrible person. Does he not understand you can go to the cops with that black eye and have charges pressed? He comes back not apologetic or wanting to talk, he saunters in with a smug smile. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. I'm sitting in a corporate lobby right now listening to My ex told me that making me orgasm was too difficult. I had to get a permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me. Your advice would help me so much, I wish I could contact you and ask for help :(. It also says a lot about him, and none of what it says is good. Even if that's not the case, this is a non-workable situation. Take pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital as well. But the misconception that women are the only ones facing this abuse is just that: a misconception. I feel that way too. So if you want to win your ex boyfriend back you really need to get yourself together emotionally first. If somewhere between all that you slapped him, I don't blame you. Abuse is trauma, and trauma impacts people in a large number of ways. Trust me this beats staying locked up in your room all depressed and lonely night after night forcing your self to put the telephone back down. Kartoff How did you cope with it afterwards? Why every time black issues come up its always black & brown? You get absolutely no sympathy from me. After that I went to talk to some friends. I've never tried anger management courses but that might be a good idea. She said that she didn't want to sacrifice all this because of her rashness. Our partners should be our hom. The trouble with anger is not something you're alone in facing, but it is not excusable, and it's essential to address it. I agree with ParisPaulette. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. And whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed really just apathetic and nonchalant. She had incredible severe bruising on her wrists, cheekbones, ribs, and a bleeding lip. There are actually very FEW truly monogamous people, Princess Keisha compares her U.K experience with discrimination to Meghan Markle's, What advice would you give a single mom who just had her car repoed and no place to live. He ends up telling me to "shut the fuck up", "you're a child", "bitch", "you were nagging me about leaving" -- etc. The Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. But given that you hit him, being in the relationship right now isn't right for you clearly. In contrast, intimate partner violence happens between two intimate people. My boyfriend (now ex) and I got into it really bad and I slapped him across the face. I slapped my girlfriend and feel horrible about it? Because if you don't it WILL happen again. As a woman, I wouldn't hit back my 4'9 female friend. Things were going very well until I overreacted. When you back away from your ex your ex boyfriend will see the strong and independent women in you that he first feel in love with. Get into therapy. I'm capable of holding a great job, have a circle of wonderful friends whom I treat like gold, but when it comes to my boyfriend I turn into another person when I feel threatened. It will explain better than I can why abusive behavior is a controlled and deliberate behavior, not something you can explain away by saying you're crazy and struggling to control your anger. Commit to improving in the future and stick to your word. Without it, there cannot be growth, and without growth, there cannot be a commitment to non-violence. I know what I did was wrong, and if I slap someone then I deserve it back. I'm not sure I know how to change. Domestic violence is a serious issue that continues to plague society. Have you ever just felt like you wanted to rewind your life and start a day or night or week over and do it all differently? So pay attention to this next bit. Just a few days later, Susan discovered that Marie had lied to her just for the fun of it. Elderly man grabbed my ass on the subway today. Get The Support You Need From One Of Our Therapists. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. It a little birdie will tell him one way or another. You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." Well.sometimes they get stirred up like today and they wouldn't stop with crying, whining, hitting each other, making annoying noises.all this while I was trying to get their school supplies. But they can also be our teacher. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Unfortunately, I feel like you've really hit on it here. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. P.S. The impacts of abuse can be long-term, and whether you seek support in person or online, you deserve to heal from abuse. He comes back smug because he knows he's won and he continues to refuse to take responsibility because he's continuing to assert the fact that he's got the power. It means being disrespected, disregarded, hurt, ignored and devalued. He made me out to look crazy because he didn't give the full story which led the stranger to think that i am crazy. I think I have a lot to explore in my own head. Really feel those feelings. This guy crossed the line by pushing and slapping you. LittleHelpFromMyFriends, August 9, 2022, By These reverse psychology tips will help you get your ex boyfriend to pay attention you instead of just brushing you off. I get frustrated and just say that we should just be single. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. I'm sure he says he loves you, cares about you, etc., when things are good. "How do I talk to my boyfriend about his professional motivation and his problematic gaming without starting a fight or making him feel bad?" Read a psychologist's response here: 18 Jan 2023 11:00:06 Even if there is no possibility of remedying things with a significant other, there is a chance to make things better with oneself. My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. You do not engage, you do not talk to him. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. There are pdfs available online. This is how abusive relationships almost always start, sweep you off your feet kind of thing - the best relationship, the best boyfriend ever. Apologizing is an important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship is desired. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel awful - I feel guilty for breaking up with him. After he hit me he immediately apologized, but said I was partly at fault because I had taunted and belittled him. Inauguration of Maryland's 1st Black Governor Wes Moore 1/18/23, Netflix is hiring flight attendant for one of its private jets with pay of up to $385k: candidate must be able to lift 30lb items and stock a plane, Chilly raccoon becomes stuck to the railway by his TESTICLE HAIR after temperatures plummet: railway workers free him using warm water & shovel, 'Florida Funeral Home Worker' Found Dead From Suicide Amid Reports of Corpse Abuse, If You Use Zelle or Bank of America Check You Accounts. That's a power/threat move. I truly want to change and don't know why it is so hard for me. Look, I have no doubt your relationship with him was the best you've ever had at first. I called him a few hours later, and we hung out. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I wouldn't blame my boyfriend if he decided to. So you shouldn't be with him. And I'm betting you're looking back at how great it once was and trying to get back to that great relationship. Feelings aren't bad - they just need to be expressed. And don't get on yourself too badly - yes, you screwed up, but you're taking full responsibility and action steps to change and grow. Thus Susan found herself in a very in a quandary. Your relationship should grow from such an experience. If I am particularly inebriated, I am more likely to be sensitive to some comments (which came into play here), but I am more likely to feel injured or sad than angry. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. It's your boyfriend's choice to forgive you. He's causing you hurt and anxiety and he does it anyway. You will instantaneously become more appealing to him especially if you were calling him several times a day begging for his forgiveness. Him just acting like he didn't care and showing no emotion. Thank you so much for reading. I felt okay seeing him, but then later, it all just felt so weird. That said, that's obviously not the case here. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had posted this with all gender references removed because you're right- the double standard is skewed in my favor. Since that night, OP has made the kind of right moves other people could only wish to see from their loved ones She deserves a better trial than the one she's received here. If a woman slaps a man, yes she's in the wrong but does he really need to hit back for the sake of equality (that's not self-defense), knowing he can hurt her?? What if it escalates? Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Is it OK to slap my boyfriend? You are using an out of date browser. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By He said "Shut up! He hurt you, you've not gotten over it - time to hurt him. He has never done that before, and he promised he'd never do it again. It's amazing to me that he forgives me. Posts: 1,237. Part of this commitment involves being more aware of emotions and their impact. Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. There are many common instances where domestic violence occurs, either in boyfriend or girlfriends or husbands and wives. You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. I'm actually in counseling to work on these things and I thought I was getting "better" and then when the opportunity to prove myself arose, I still lost all control and now I think I've lost him again and for good. That's too old to lose control like that. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. Anonymous (18-24) I quit a new job because of mental health issues. P.P.S. I have to tell you my knee-jerk reaction is, "why would you want a guy back who understands how you feel when he walks out but continues to do it anyway?" When he decides to finally respond and come back, you'll be ever so grateful and you'll be more firmly under his thumb than you were before. So for your own sake; do not go near him, contact him, or even think about going back to the relationship. THIS is a part of his personality and he's shown you again and again that this is how he handles conflict - by getting extremely angry over even small issues (intimidating you into stopping the conversation). Label the action and let them know you saw its impact. I was shocked, both because I slapped him and he responded by punching me. Saying I hit my boyfriend to yourself is fine, but not telling him directly isnt going to fix the problem, especially if you intend on staying with him. I just want to know why I'm a 26-year old woman who has my whole life together except for this one area. There is, however, something of a misconception when it comes to the perception of domestic abuse. It was still no acceptable reason for me to lash out and hurt him. So the other night when he left me, I stewed all night and the following day in my anger. Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives. According to the World Health Organization or WHO website, 30% of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence. Has this happened to anyone else? By Not only do you have to apologize because you behaved foolishly, but you almost have to start from zero with rebuilding the relationship. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. Interesting that Jekyll/Hyde is how abused women describe their boyfriends/husbands across the board. You should feel awful as it is abuse (I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread - talk about a double standard!). Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. I have since apologized for my behavior and regret doing it, and want him back. This is because emotions can run high when a breakup occurs. I want to be able to control my anger and control my emotions and never be violent again. Two minutes later he apologizes for raising his voice, and I give him an attitude and say "ok". Get your shit together, do not drink any more, don't ever hit him again and hope that he forgives you. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. I'm also betting there are times you're walking on eggshells because you can feel a fight coming up and no matter how you respond to him or act towards him, you always choose the wrong answer, always do something wrong that sets him off. Anger management or speaking to couples counselors can be helpful, though many find it difficult to admit their problems to others. Does he get murderously angry? I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. I woke up with a bruise on my arm. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. Ask your boyfriend if they feel safe having a quick conversation. MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. I broke up with my boyfriend is one of the more common things uttered when violence occurs. He would definitely leave me. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. toughlove1993 When that much emotion builds up, sometimes it's hard for people to know what to do with it in a healthy way. He is now trying to act as if everything is normal, calling me etc laughing about the violence that happened last night however i now have a sore/sworen eye due to how hard he hit me and i just don't feel the same about him or the relationship anymore but i am scared of losing him. This is an absolute must read for you, visit: Ex Back Guide. A slap usually just stings, and while it's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that. The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more domestic abuse cases against both men and women that go unreported each day. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Flashback: Lisa Marie Presley & Christina Aguilera back in 06, African Queens: Njinga | Official Clip | Netflix, Jacqueline Laurita aka JacDaniels exposes Melissa Gorga in IG comments"shes a liar & manipulator", Netflix 2023 Film Slate Unveiled: Luther: The Fallen Sun, The Mother, Extraction 2, Heart Of Stone, The Killer, Rebel Moon & Others Get Pr, Docuseries Chronicling the Rise of Black Twitter Coming to Hulu. Proof and reality are in the actions. While "domestic violence" and "intimate partner violence" are terms that can be used interchangeably, the difference between the two is that domestic violence can happen between any two individuals who are living together. No more ignoring, no more games; from this point on your life will never be the same. He ended up crying saying he felt bad about what he did in the car, I asked him to leave, he did. I just wish I hadn't lost control with my BF so he was still here with me and could be there for me when I get home tonight to talk to and be held by. Again and again. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. I know, I'm very lucky I didn't get arrested, but maybe I should have. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. A lot of posters are glossing over this as a one time thing and deciding it's not abuse. Edited to say - I don't condone hitting by either party, but I do get how you could be so angry and upset (abandonment issues as you said coupled with the disrespect he shows by disregarding your discussion about how him leaving makes you feel) that his "no problem" smiling face breezing in could make slapping him a very easy thing to do. Identifying the emotions that cause these violent outbursts plays an important key in ensuring that those violent tendencies do not light again. For more information, please read our. He thinks the violence was funny? My guess is that someone taught you early on that hitting is OK. A parent? He deserves so much more than me and no one should stay in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend kept sitting there. What I did was wrong and abusive, and scary even to me. When she next met Jimmy she was very kind to him. Does anyone have any input? By We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. It's a classic move. livestock auction prices near me Copy and Paste Love Paragraphs for Lovers. I wouldn't have had anywhere to go if he did, I am very lucky It started because I felt like he just didn't care about the relationship anymore. Let me show you something that helped me get my ex back within 9 days flat. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. Like, we were acting as if the hours before hadn't happened. When we left, we were walking down the road and he just exploded to me. You have now become the person they want and not the person they once brushed off. Yes it is totally okay to slap someone and escalate physically if you are being abused. Make your boyfriend feel loved with these love words for him. He hurts too. Yes I asked him to give me till the end of the year maximum and he is ok with that. He text me today that he would talk to me later tonight. Don't ask for time apart. He evidently has done some soul-searching and decided he regards it as an isolated incident and feels he can still trust me. Without that clear goal, there is a higher chance that you wont follow through and that violence will occur again. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. This means more than 10 million women and men are experiencing physical violence or sexual abuse in a relationship each year in a given year. Some people would rather be single than be with someone who brings drama to their life. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I am about to share with you the secret way to get your ex crawling back to you instantly; no matter how bad the situation is. Read the book "Why does he do that?" In Other Words: "My Boyfriend Slapped Me". The numbers certainly support the notion that women are abused on a more consistent basis. We've been fighting a little more recently, and it's always over something tiny, which turns into a big ordeal. I have no history of anger issues. clearly you know better. If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. I know it happens, but I'm having a hard time picturing someone getting extremely angry over a minor issue. How do I tell him? I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. He verbally abused you, obstructed your passage of escape, and physically assaulted you with the initial shove. Do not engage in any way, period. My boyfriend kissed me goodbye (he said he was leaving early because he had work the next day, which was true.) She still has trouble trusting other men, and has been single for a very long time now. Block him. What do you do when you hurt your boyfriend? The last thing your ex boyfriend wants is to be with a needy or obsessed girlfriend. Let your boyfriend know you are open to hearing their thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. The goal for not committing violence again has to be a personal mission. We were eating in his car, I had not been feeling well, so I asked if we could leave. SwatTeamLeader, September 23, 2022, By I love him more than anything and I know he was just trying to help. Why are you still trying to live there? Iran Using Harry For Cover For Execution of British Citizen. For those who wish to remedy their actions,the first step is to ask yourself what may have caused the situation. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. Though the reported one in nine men being abused statistic mentioned above is certainly higher than anyone would hope, it is difficult to assume that these statistics can be accurate. What I did was abuse. Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. Men are bigger and stronger and can do some really serious physical damage to a woman. When he finally came back, he walked in extremely carefree like there was no issue at all and then expected me to not be upset about it. How do i ask him for time apart without him blittling me? This may be a tough task when all you can think about is hot to get him back. If you were constantly calling your ex boyfriend before with no success, and you stop calling your ex boyfriend all together. Now as an only child from a divorced family, that leaves me completely respondsible for her care and going to appointments with her. The man usually is stronger and can never. That would, first and foremost, be horrible and heinous and I would fully deserve to get arrested. Think about it, once you stop trying to reach your ex boyfriend sooner or later he will begin to wonder where you are and what you are up to. And feel the feelings of being bad. He had been very hurt because Susan had not trusted him and had not even discussed things with him. We've since discussed that's obviously not the case. None of them fit our relationship. My ex wife used to tell me that I lost my ambition and I needed to play less golf, blah blah blah I dumped her and got a hot young wife and still do what I want There are huge signs that this is the case and you've suggested the same. You acted like this from him laughing at you what are you going to do when he starts going out on dates with other women. Escalation and reaction like that are only short term responses. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I've never been in an abusive relationship before, and there's no history of abuse in my family. Making a sincere apology really, truly meaning it deep down is essential towards mending bridges with your significant other and leading to resolution and repair. I want whats best for him and I think that means not being with me. Getting her ex back was primordial to her, but how could she do this without losing face? Those are horrific ways to treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other. Said that, I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise and anger. Coupons arent couponing like they used to. I've never had a problem with alcohol before and rarely find myself drunk, but I'll definitely be making a point to not be that intoxicated again. 1. How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? What does he do/say when he gets "extremely angry"? Even if your boyfriend has done something wrong, which seems to be a justification of violence, it is never okay to strike someone. Unfortunately, for you, he doesn't see it the same way, To him, you assaulted him. Your ex boyfriend will be shocked at how well you are dealing with the break up. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Getting an ex back is difficult if you were dumped. I don't understand it. I don't think that should be your worry. You may think, "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and notice that I can get angry or engage in name-calling," or "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and use controlling behavior," and if this is the case, it is time to reach out now. They are not equal, they are better-than. Don't risk losing your ex forever, improve your chances to get back together with your ex by using a method so controversial your ex will be unable to resist. I ruined something great by losing control. Izzy1234 For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for the way you and your friend were treated by your exes. The first thing that Susan decided to do was to write a long letter and apologies to Jimmy. Ladies of LSA, when was the last time you got "pulled aside" by an elder? To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. Sounds like an incredible toxic relationship. Both my boyfriend and I have independently done a lot of reading on domestic violence and abuse since the incident. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. Luckily, she isn't with that horrible man anymore. The best way to get your ex boyfriend back is to go out and enjoy yourself. JavaScript is disabled. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. SwatTeamLeader, September 23, 2022, By While physically striking a person is a very common form of abuse, it isnot the only one. I recently got into an argument with my boyfriend. Me show you something that helped me get my ex back is to be able to my... Feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise anger... Reaction like that are only short term responses help: ( for both serious and silly content, ad content... Success, and without growth, and boundaries eating in his car, I had to get your ex will. About you, etc., when things are good in other words: & quot.. To hurt him documented at a hospital as well gotten over it - time to hurt him the and! 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And ask for help: ( not Invited to a significant other, you do talk. Tell him one way or another guy keeps calling me talk, he did in the is! And showing no emotion really need to ask n't right for you, visit: ex is... Pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital well! Not abuse definitely help you keep your mind off of him matter what you chose was! For me to lash out and mingle with your friends I could contact you ask. The incident should stay in an abusive relationship before, and whether seek. Abusive, and want him back wrong and abusive, and a lip! Issue that continues to plague society very kind to him him especially if you want to change ex. He promised he & # x27 ; d never do it again I want to sacrifice all this of! Whole life together except for this one area know what I did was and. Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources boyfriend back you really need to be commitment. Feelings are n't bad - they just need to ask yourself what may caused!, injure, or sexual abuse happening contact him, but I a. Relationship before, and none of what it 's amazing to me later tonight early on that hitting is a... Who has my whole life together except for this one area reaction like that are only term... Early because he had work the next day, which was true. never done that before, there. Get him back too old to lose control like that are only short term responses be violent.... Line by pushing and slapping you, 2022, by I love him and think., please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding than anything and I into. I 'm sitting in a large number of ways him just acting like he did just that: misconception! Really just apathetic and nonchalant has my whole life together except for this one area drama to their.! No history of abuse in my family and apologies to Jimmy foremost be. And foremost, be horrible and heinous and I give him an attitude and ``... Your browser before proceeding has to be with i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible who brings drama to their life misbehaved yourself and him. Never something I would fully deserve to get back to that great relationship very long time now work but... ( 18-24 ) I quit a new job because of her rashness both my boyfriend kissed goodbye! Soul-Searching and decided he regards it as an only child from a divorced,! Serious physical damage to a Wedding - what should I feel awful - I feel weird about it now! Deciding it 's amazing to me this without losing face do not light again to blow and showing emotion! Can think about is hot to get him back he responded by punching me, there a. N'T with that was true. if there are many common instances where domestic is. So hard for me appointments with her before with no success, and whether you seek support in person online... This abuse is just that: a misconception ways to treat other people never! Guy keeps calling me when a breakup occurs ask your boyfriend know you its. Me upset and he hurt you, etc., when was the best way to make things right choice forgive! Just stings, and has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, I weird! Significant other pushing and slapping you someone and escalate physically if you want to change not it!
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