i overheard my wife talking about me

Divorce may be an end result. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Also you say you feel emasculated. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. Right? Your wife violated your trust multiple times. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Divorce. No one cares. Next I called my wife. The big question is are you still in love with your wife and enjoy having a family with her? Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. What can you say or she say tomorrow? That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. Life is transient. Has anyone gone through anything similar? Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! Im gonna get downvoted for this but I think you should hear it anyway OP. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. Especially when there is alcohol involved. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Very much agree with this person right here. Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. Anything she says in the moment right now can't be trusted because she'll do or say whatever it takes to keep you. What she did is disrespectful to you as her husband, to herself as your wife, disrespectful AF to your kids (because they will absolutely hear this rumorone day if you live in a small town) and in my opinion this is a divorce threshold. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Most people in the comments seem to be going off of the deep end here. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Who cares. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. It was never between you and them anyway. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. As in, never talk to them again. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. Sounds like shes really sorry. She needs to understand that at least. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. Honestly the only advice I have is to don't give an inch on the fact that you were the one outted and ridiculed, not her. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. People can be so two-faced with that kind of thing. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. We have a dog and some goldfish. First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. A couple of laffs? Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. Only one thing to do in this situation. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. It seems she reserves honesty for her friends. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! When she closes her eyes shes thinking of other men, one of those other men is probably Tom. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Sometimes they aren't strong enough to defend it. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. That's only for me and my wife to know. I could never trust what to believe again. To at least one person. Dont slide back to her. Do you love her more than anything? I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. People are weak sometimes. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. Dude, yeah. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. I'm sorry you went through this. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Agreed! Good luck. Don't go broadcasting it. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! I thanked him. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. No true friend will stab you in the back. And if it was an accident, why did she give them details about what kinks you have? German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. The second is more complicated: She does see bisexuality as "unmasculine" or an emasculating trait, however, you cant actively deny her feelings on the subject; theyre just her opinion on it. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. It sucks. I'd be crushed if I heard my wife's friend's say something like that, and then she just hangs me out to dry instead of standing up for me. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. This issue has been going on and at each turn, she chose not to be honest with you. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Especially with the "gay" things they do. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. And be prepared to put the fear of God, who loves bi and gay and straight people, and in Whose name marriage vows are made, into this Tom-person. No shit. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. Period.. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. Will you ever be able to "do the bi stuff" in bed with her again? So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Who actually believes these? I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. Be kind anyway. Im so sorry this happened. No. For years. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. She put you down at your own house. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. Life works in a whelm of duality. This is what her and her friends did to you. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. Personally I don't think it's bad enough to end a good relationship over but you should make it clear that trying to hide her mistake and belittling you to others to save her self from their scorn is both childish and cruel. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. But one thing I have realized is that you should be proud of who you are as a person, sexual preferences included. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. Same. Let her know how betrayed you feel. Fuck this situation. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. Its not an easy solution. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Maybe you could come around trusting her, but i wouldn't trust her friends. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. Personal details should remain private. Remind her of this without judging. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. Do you believe what she told you? This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. Posing with her Dutch-born man, the 29-year-old . With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? Good luck bro! Her friends have always been cool to me. Yea, some people are just too worried what their peers think and arent (strong/brave) enough to go against the group. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. 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